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What Stays

August 8, 2011

Tags: order, abuse, cruelty, death, difficulties, doubts, family, fears, finances, funeral, love, marriage, money, spouse, stroke, vice, What Stays

Coming from another funeral - this time in Europe - the question lingers: What stays if we have to die anyway?

In this case, love stayed. Love stayed long after the body of the loved one was felled by a series of strokes. For a dozen years the spouse cared for the loved one, with a thousand fears and doubts and difficulties, but never faltering. After all those many years, the loved one died at home, with the family by the bedside. - We all wish for such a death.

And such a love. Not asking what is in there for me. But asking what is the needed thing to do now. - We hear too much about who should be allowed to marry and who not. We should hear more what marriage involves. Not figuring out what he/she does wrong, but what he/she needs now. Whenever I feel sorry that I am not getting what I want, I feel a distances from the people I am with. When I ask: What can I give? What does he/she need now?, I feel close - and rewarded.

(It goes without saying that I don't condone cruelty, abuse, and the myriad of vices that make a marriage unbearable.)

We all know too many examples of the contrasting outcome: The spouse divorces the ailing partner, and runs away with the money, to a better life.

A better life? I cannot think of life and time better applied than caring thus.
Aspen eyes, by Peggy Peters

Iguazu Falls, by Xin Liu

Alexa Fleckenstein M.D. 2012, by Lolita Parker jr.

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