PAULA WHYMAN

From "The Minotaur Speaks," which appeared in Blackbird:

They say this man has flaxen hair,
a mouth so fine the gods
beg him to speak. They say
my death will make him
a hero. Everyone loves a hero,
but a hero only loves you
until he reaches the next island.
This is my only island.

Sandra Beasley, essayist, former editor for The American Scholar, and acclaimed poet, will read from her new poetry collection, I Was the Jukebox at Politics & Prose Bookstore on Sunday, May 2, at 1pm.

I Was the Jukebox (Norton) has been awarded the 2009 Barnard Women Poets Prize. Joy Harjo, in her judge's citation, describes Beasley’s work as “fresh, crisp, decisive and fearless,” and notes that "every object, icon, or historical moment has a soul with a voice." Publisher's Weekly has called the collection "more fun than most recent books," and "a book that could go a long way."

Beasley's first collection, Theories of Falling, won the 2007 New Issues Prize, selected by Marie Howe.

Details, Details:
Sunday, May 2, 1pm
Politics and Prose
5015 Connecticut Ave. NW
Washington, D.C. 20008
A reception will follow the reading.

For more insight into Sandra Beasley and her work, see Leslie Pietrzyk's work-in-progress blog, and see Sandra's website, www.sandrabeasley.com and her blog, Chicks Dig Poetry.

This week we encounter the school holiday known as "Take Your Son or Daughter to Work Day." My son was told that "not much would be happening" at school, if students want to stay home. I'm sure they meant the kids should take the day off in order to do some "experiential learning" with their parents.

I told my son that if he likes, he can come to work with me. Of course, he does not actually want to do this. His concept of coming to work with me will include ten minutes of chatting about what it's like to be a writer, and four hours spent playing Civilization: Beyond the Sword.

However, I told him that if he comes to work with me, he will experience "experiential learning," once we figure out what that is. Meaning, I will give him actual work-related duties.

Like what? he wanted to know.
Like, I told him, he can start by taking out the trash.

He did not love that idea. He wondered how it relates to writing a story. I told him that the multiple drafts of the story I'm writing are creating a greater need for recycling.

So then he said he will take out the trash if we can go to the movies after. And I told him that I have to do actual work on Take Your Child to Work Day. That's sort of the point.

And then he asked me the question every writer dreads hearing from their child:
He asked how much I'm getting paid.

I said, I don't know.

Why don't you know? he wondered.

Because I don't know where this story will be published yet, I told him.

Then you're working for nothing? he asked.

Not exactly, I said. Not precisely. I mean, there are things I get paid for, just not necessarily this particular thing. So, I suppose when you consider that I'm not certain, you could say that...

Yes, I'm working for nothing on this particular project, I told him.

So the work you're doing on Take Your Son or Daughter to Work Day is not going to make any money? he asked.

Not necessarily, I said.

His face lit up:
I can get community service hours for going to work with you!

I stared at him sternly, formulating a values-training monologue in my head.

And I said,
Yes.
Yes you can.

Aren't we proud.

In today's Washington Post: 'Sexting' probed at Montgomery, Md., middle school.

If you don't want to read the article (and who can blame you?), I'll summarize: Girls text naked pics of themselves to boys.

Often, it ends there, but not this time. In this case, the boys SELL THE PICS to other boys. And in case this doesn't sufficiently alarm you, we're talking about 14-year-olds.

Don't you yearn for the days when a big hicky was an adolescent status symbol?

Kermit Moyer reads from his new novel, The Chester Chronicles, tonight at American University. Learn more about The Chester Chronicles here, and read Moyer's guest post for his take on autobiographical fiction.

Alice McDermott calls The Chester Chronicles "heartbreaking and funny," and Publishers Weekly says it "brings to mind the stories of Lorrie Moore." Kermit Moyer's first book, a story collection called Tumbling, was called "a work of ringing authenticity," by the New York Times.

The reading will take place in the lounge at the School of International Service (SIS) at American University tonight, Wednesday, April 14, at 8pm. The book will be available for purchase, in paperback.

Hope to see you there!

The response to my Washington Post article, When the Menu is a Minefield, has been huge and overwhelmingly positive.** Thank you to all who wrote and called with comments, suggestions, and further questions.

So many of you contacted me that I thought I'd post some of the great input that readers have provided, in the hope that it will help more people who struggle to find ways to enjoy dining out, without the unpleasant consequences.

I heard from people with much worse restrictions than my own, people who can't eat dairy, people who keep Kosher and also can't eat dairy, people who can't eat soy, people who are gluten-intolerant or have Celiac disease, people with allergies to onions and garlic, people with IBS or other GI ailments, people with multiple food sensitivities, and people with dietary restrictions that change over time. All of them told me they appreciated finally seeing this topic addressed in the newspaper.

If your primary problem is with dairy, a number of readers suggested trying lactase enzyme supplements of one kind or another, which can make lactose digestible (Lactaid chewable tablets, taken with dairy meals, and Digestive Advantage, which is taken once a day, are both popular options). This will only work if lactose is your problem--and even then, it doesn't work for all. None of the supplements work for me, but then again, my problem is unlikely to be lactose intolerance, since even completely lactose-free dairy products are off-limits.

In answer to some reader queries:

I've been asked what I substitute for milk. In cereal, I use rice milk. In cooking, I use soy milk. The latter is normally a one-for-one substitution. In baking, I use transfat-free vegetable shortening instead of butter. Or, if butter must be used, I watch everyone else eat what I baked. They're happy, I'm happy.

I have not found any palatable substitute for real dairy cheese. If you have, I would like to know about it. I've tried everything, and it all tastes like Glue Stick. So now, when I have a desire for cheese, I pour a cup of tea, and spread a little Glue Stick on my (nondairy) cracker. Then I throw the cracker in the garbage and drink the tea.

Do not assume that margarine is nondairy. To avoid dairy in spreads, either buy vegan, or Kosher-pareve/parve products. In my experience, the vegan version tastes better. Some of this can be used in baking to sub for butter; some cannot. Watch especially for salt content if you do that--you don't necessarily want salty baked desserts. YMMV.

The most difficult meal for me to eat out is breakfast. If I'm traveling, it's especially rare to have numerous options. Try going to a B&B or an inn and telling them you can't have dairy or eggs. You'll get half a grapefruit, and bacon. Oh, and I can't eat the grapefruit. And, gee, I'd rather not have bacon... Just coffee will be fine. Yes, black.

Readers recommend, and I agree:

A good way to ensure you are avoiding all dairy when dining out--if you have a choice as to where you dine--try a Kosher restaurant that serves meat. Meals served at certified Kosher meat restaurants will not contain any dairy products. It's challenging, for instance, to find a burger bun that doesn't contain dairy, unless you're at a Kosher restaurant. In our area, try Max's Deli in Wheaton, Md., Eli's in DC, and Pomegranate Bistro in Potomac, Md. You aren't limited to meat dishes at these places, but you are guaranteed a dairy-free meal. Max's has a great falafel bar.

Asian cuisine is also usually a reliable dairy-free option, but watch out for "fusion" restaurants--I have been hit with hidden dairy at such places.

The other way to go is vegan, especially if you want to avoid meat along with dairy. Great Sage, in Clarksville, Md., is a vegan restaurant that was mentioned to me by several readers. I look forward to giving it a try. Many nonvegan restaurants also offer vegan options, but as with any dietary restriction, the onus will be on the diner to ensure you're getting what you think you're getting.

A few people wrote touting their businesses, which offer vegan products. Here are two that look interesting--I haven't yet tried them myself, so this is not an endorsement, just information.

Abby's Table in Portland, OR, produces a line of vegan, gluten-free sauces, which they will mail nationwide, and they offer a weekly allergen-free dinner at their Portland location. I wish the latter were available here.

My Vegan Baker is located in Fairfax, Virginia, and offers just what it sounds like--home-baked vegan (but not gluten-free!) desserts (dairy-free tarte tatin, someday?).

And here's a blog that focuses on eating out with food allergies in the New York area: Allergic Girl Recommends

And finally, why I can't eat pears, sweet potatoes, garbanzo beans, spinach...

In the Post article, I alluded to other dietary restrictions that I deal with. A number of readers were curious about that, and the simplest explanation is that I can't tolerate specific fruits, vegetables, and beans, because of another diagnosed disorder. This is probably a good topic for a health column on medical mysteries...since it was rather complicated to discover. When I was able to eat dairy, I ate a lot less meat, but with my other restrictions, it's almost impossible for me to get enough protein without eating meat. So that's one reason why I'm not attempting a vegan diet.

The other reason is, I like meat.


[**Except for a select few angry vegans (not representative of most people choosing to follow vegan diets, I might add), who apparently need a lesson in the difference between dietary choices based on philosophy and/or food aversions, and dietary restrictions that are based on medical need.]

With all those flames, there must be a burger, right? ;)
(joke!! it's a joke!!)