Ruth Duskin Feldman

Humanistic weddings focus on the couple and on the rewards and challenges of love and marriage, rather than on prayers to a supernatural being. Ruth has performed close to 150 weddings since 1994. (See testimonials below.)

The planning of the wedding ceremony begins with an e-mail or telephone conversation, followed by a face-to-face meeting, which generally lasts up to two hours. During this meeting, Ruth gets to know the couple and asks them about the history and nature of their relationship. She offers a brief introduction to Humanistic Judaism and the type of wedding a humanist officiant conducts. If the couple feel that a humanist wedding suits them and they wish to use her services, Ruth guides them through a detailed planning process, in which they select the elements they wish to include in their ceremony and the wording of the explanation to accompany each element. Besides the processional, recessional, recitation of vows, and ring exchange, these elements may include, for example, a huppah, or wedding canopy; humanistic variations on the traditional wine blessing and seven blessings; and the breaking of the glass.

The planning process continues beyond the meeting as the couple make final decisions about the various parts of the ceremony, and Ruth drafts a "script" for their approval. The investment of time and energy that couples put into the creation of their ceremony gives them the deep satisfaction of making it their own.

Because many of the weddings at which Ruth officiates or coofficiates are interfaith or intercultural, involving two people from different religious or cultural backgrounds, the ceremony may include elements derived from the non-Jewish partner's tradition. For example, a Christian bride or groom may choose to include a passage from the New Testament, the lighting of the unity candle, and presentation of flowers to the mothers. If a priest or minister is to be present, the ceremony is carefully balanced between the two officiants so as to give equal weight and respect to each partner's identity and family heritage.

On the day of the ceremony, Ruth arrives early to check on the placement of the ceremonial items and to discuss any last-minute details. If the couple choose to have a ketubah, it is customarily signed before the ceremony; or Ruth can provide a simple keepsake certificate instead.

In place of the traditional brit, humanistic baby naming and welcoming ceremonies are for both boys and girls. Along with the bestowing of a Hebrew name, these ceremonies are joyful occasions in which the family and community join in welcoming the new life. Although the baby naming and welcoming ceremony is intended for a newborn, it can be held at any convenient time during the child's first year.

Ruth plans each ceremony with the parents to reflect their hopes and wishes for their baby and the responsibilities of parents, relatives, and close friends for the upbringing of the child. The ceremony concludes with the parents and grandparents signing a beautiful certificate, suitable for framing.

A humanistic funeral or memorial service is an opportunity to celebrate and reflect on a life. A person who has died is not gone but lives on in the memory of the living. Often the service includes personal remarks by friends and family members in addition to the eulogy Ruth prepares after meeting with the family.

A funeral or memorial service can be a moving and enlightening occasion when mourners discover aspects of the deceased person's character, interests, and activities of which they were unaware. Photographs and memorabilia can be displayed, conveying a sense of the loved one's presence.

Thank you so much for officiating at our wedding. We absolutely loved the ceremony. We had many people comment to us about how lovely the ceremony was. You made it very personal, very interesting, and very touching.
Susan and John

Thank you endlessly for officiating our wedding — it was such a beautiful moment for us! We had so many comments from our guests on how wonderful the wording of our ceremony was and how special and unique it was compared with what they have seen before.
Ariane and Brad

Thank you for the lovely service you offered for our wedding ceremony. The blessings and address were so beautiful and included everything that we had hoped to have on our wedding day. Thank you for making this very important day a special one.
Brett and Sarah

Thank you for writing such beautiful words for our wedding ceremony! The message and meaning were appropriate for us and expressed our own beliefs. Many guests commented on the unique service and that they enjoyed it very much.
Catherine and Steven

Thank you for all your help and support. Your expertise and openness helped us create a ceremony that truly reflects who we are individually and as a couple.
Kathy and Aaron

Thank you so much for a beautiful ceremony. Everyone raved about it!
Lauren and Chris

We want to thank you for helping to make our wedding ceremony so meaningful to us and to our families. Your guidance, flexibility, and gracious presence really made everyone feel comfortable. Thank you for all of your advice and for your time.
Eric and Sarah

Thank you for conducting a beautiful ceremony. We were told by everyone it was a lovely ceremony.
Meena and Dennis

Thanks for a memorable, beautiful day. Your service touched everyone's hearts. People have been calling all day, saying it changed their lives. Our wedding was a very special, magical, transformative day. Thanks again for making it happen!
Darren and Allan

Thanks for making this special day even more so!
Amy and Cliff
Ruth and Chuck (bride's parents)

Thank you for your help and sensitivity.
Jean and Sam (groom's parents)

Thank you for officiating the baby naming ceremony for our son, Sammy. We really enjoyed the ceremony and our families and guests all thought that it was a very special and personal event. It was the first of many highlights in Sammy's life.
Laurie and Bill

Thanks for the meaningful service you did at my mother's funeral. You can be my "rabbi" any time! Thank you for being there when we needed someone. It meant a lot!
Esther

Thank you for the lovely and compassionate dedication. The time you spent getting to know a bit about my aunt made all the difference. You truly have a gift that touched us all. The poem "Life's Victor" could have been written by my aunt — you really captured her spirit. Thank you for your kindness and professionalism with the human touch. Your presence was greatly appreciated.
Joanne